13 January 2012
cutest music video ever
i cant post the video yet. youtube is still in the process for making it visible worldwide or do whatever stuffs they had to do to make sure so that the video could be seen when you try to type it in the searchbox, but imma give you the link. enjoy!
http://youtu.be/Y1xs_xPb46M
-geianne
06 January 2012
square one
i hate the feeling i get whenever i leave home.
what's worse about it is being trapped in my small apartment room again, all alone together with my laptop and internet connection.
im trying to look out things in a brighter shade, really. but i cant also deny this dreadfulness that stirs in me. i try to shoo it away but it just just keeps on coming back. especially when i fix my closet again after my long vacation from my little neverland. its like i breath it in and i exhale it out through the liquid substances forming around my eyes.
earlier this morning, when i was in the cab on my ride to the apartment, i passed by the usual streets and inside my head, a question materialized, "am i really back in this big city again?". cause its still felt surreal. yesterday morning i was still reading a novel in my own room back in our humble house. i even got yelled by my mother for not packing up. and as much as i hate being yelled, id be even happy to hear it right now if it means coming back home and seeing my family and friends once again.
i dont like the sentences im constructing in this post. they all sound so lonely. but then again, ive got no one to talk to. actually, i am trying to do multi tasking to keep these things away from my mind. im typing this entry while droplets of water are running down my face. and im also munching down the sandwich ive made yesterday afternoon in which i havent munched in the ship. im hungry and the food is quite tasty but my mouth feels like not into processing them.
ive switched my phone off. i dont want mom calling me right now. i dont want to hear anything about home for the next 24 hours or so, until i would overcome this again. i might choke and cry on the line. and i dont want people to see me as the emotional kind.
earlier this morning when i unpacked my things, i wasnt sure why i muttered "sorry" out loud for them. maybe i dont want them being dragged here with my sadness. it was always happy back home, though my family often fights, and they say things that i might not want to discuss. but nevertheless, it was... home. in where my things are supposed to be.
anyway, i wonder what they're doing right now...
-geianne
05 January 2012
i wonder...
i know some people are just waiting for the day i'd lose my patience.
meanwhile, im sitting here, thinking of when they'd be worthy enough for the commotion.
-geianne
04 January 2012
wrong impressions
and there goes the WORD WAR 1 on facebook chat with our classmates oblivious of what is really happening.
the 1st party purposely opened the topics concerning about:
1. third parties
2. rubbing off ones self to a guy
3. false tone of hurt with implied attacks, specifically to the boy in denial and some girl who might've stolen the said knight in shining armor.
the other party snuck off its she-dogginess and participated a bit in the discussion to tuck away suspicions from the others, but is also smashing up something to the accusations of the 1st party. didnt made up and imply something to what she didnt know and didnt also point out the real score of what is really happening between the involved subjects (cause she really doesnt know the exact deal of what is really happening) but was trying to drop off her guesses in the form of riddles that somehow mystified the first party, who pretty much puzzled it out and gave off wrong impressions, which caused laughter to the other party.
meanwhile, a hopeless guy was sandwiched during the whole occurrence.
or maybe, my impression about this whole thing is wrong. well, we wouldnt know!
-geianne
the 1st party purposely opened the topics concerning about:
1. third parties
2. rubbing off ones self to a guy
3. false tone of hurt with implied attacks, specifically to the boy in denial and some girl who might've stolen the said knight in shining armor.
the other party snuck off its she-dogginess and participated a bit in the discussion to tuck away suspicions from the others, but is also smashing up something to the accusations of the 1st party. didnt made up and imply something to what she didnt know and didnt also point out the real score of what is really happening between the involved subjects (cause she really doesnt know the exact deal of what is really happening) but was trying to drop off her guesses in the form of riddles that somehow mystified the first party, who pretty much puzzled it out and gave off wrong impressions, which caused laughter to the other party.
meanwhile, a hopeless guy was sandwiched during the whole occurrence.
or maybe, my impression about this whole thing is wrong. well, we wouldnt know!
-geianne
03 January 2012
here we go again
2-3 months ago i was 90% positive ive kicked the asshole out of my life. now im wondering how he was able to manage to let the the 10% dominate again without breaking a sweat.
around september and october last year, i thought it was all good. i wasnt able to see him during the semestral and break and though i was yearning to, i wasnt that desperate anymore (okey so maybe i was) but damn did it feel good to not catch a glimpse of him and survived! around those times i was able to mutter to myself something like 'this is it. so long sucker, im moving on!'. i even spilled about my new crushes here and was happy to find myself not hooked with watching the green online sign with his name on the side on facebook anymore. but guess what? all of it came tumbling back down during december when i arrived at danette's and was giddy to see my buds and he was there sitting and though my face was showing my sunniest grin, inside my head all i could ever think was "oh to the no."
and then came the events where we had to act cool and decent around each other like nothing happened (well that's because nothing really happened and maybe i was assuming things and im sure he's not dumb to not see my assumptions but then he kept talking and being friendly to me so screw my situation cause i dont know what to call everything of it). then there are parts where i eye him though i try to really not to, and i dont really know if he looks at me too or not but i know he could feel my gaze and its just awkward. and he opens up talks like those we had before, but with enough caution, but still, it has this tone of what he used to use to me before and i realized he still had a very huge impact on me then im back to square to one.
and im frustrated. and in this post it may seem like im blaming him but really, all there is to blame is myself. and im pissed. and the worst part? its that i doubt myself sometimes. cause i know i could freakin do better of forgetting him if im really focused. if i really want to. now here come's the part of which i dont. and this is really scaring me because its making me feel like im a fool for not making up my mind and for making the same trouble for myself over and over. somehow its more frightening of the memory of me not being able to get the right spelling for the word "mother" even though the teacher had let me write it for more than ten times already. the good thing about it was that the incident happened when i was still five. i had a very good reason back then, considering my age. but now, getting myself tangled for almost the same trouble is making me doubt my own capacity.
and what's even worse than worst is that i cant help this stupidity either. so tonight when i saw him on our group chat, i tried to initiate a talk to the group though there were only three people online including me and him. and i dont know what got into him that the he decided to reply and finally our other batchmate logged off and suddenly it was me and him and some awkward friendly talk in our group chat which everybody else could read the convo in the morning. not that im guilty of something. but still. you know how i overthink and complicate things. and then the conversation was left hanging and he went off the chatroom first before i could even make my move of ditching him and im so pissed i dont know why.
right. i know. im trying to rub on his face that i could be able to handle things in a very decent manner; that i could just leave with the hanging convo and not say goodnight and not bother. like he doesnt have this effect on me. anymore. and at the first place. but he does. and its annoys me. a lot. and i cant just tell him everything.
i dont even know why im holding out in the first place. oh wait, i do. i dont wanna start a fight with some friends just because she thinks she owns him or she owned him or she probably will own him but you see, im trying not to care. that's there business. which has become quite a business for me too urgh.
i feel like a moth attracted to a bulb that if i would come near id burn myself and that if i dont i wouldnt be able to enjoy its light. and what's more is that im not the only one trying to fly around it. now the analogy is lame. and my situation is complicated. id talk about the progress of this soon.
-geianne
around september and october last year, i thought it was all good. i wasnt able to see him during the semestral and break and though i was yearning to, i wasnt that desperate anymore (okey so maybe i was) but damn did it feel good to not catch a glimpse of him and survived! around those times i was able to mutter to myself something like 'this is it. so long sucker, im moving on!'. i even spilled about my new crushes here and was happy to find myself not hooked with watching the green online sign with his name on the side on facebook anymore. but guess what? all of it came tumbling back down during december when i arrived at danette's and was giddy to see my buds and he was there sitting and though my face was showing my sunniest grin, inside my head all i could ever think was "oh to the no."
and then came the events where we had to act cool and decent around each other like nothing happened (well that's because nothing really happened and maybe i was assuming things and im sure he's not dumb to not see my assumptions but then he kept talking and being friendly to me so screw my situation cause i dont know what to call everything of it). then there are parts where i eye him though i try to really not to, and i dont really know if he looks at me too or not but i know he could feel my gaze and its just awkward. and he opens up talks like those we had before, but with enough caution, but still, it has this tone of what he used to use to me before and i realized he still had a very huge impact on me then im back to square to one.
and im frustrated. and in this post it may seem like im blaming him but really, all there is to blame is myself. and im pissed. and the worst part? its that i doubt myself sometimes. cause i know i could freakin do better of forgetting him if im really focused. if i really want to. now here come's the part of which i dont. and this is really scaring me because its making me feel like im a fool for not making up my mind and for making the same trouble for myself over and over. somehow its more frightening of the memory of me not being able to get the right spelling for the word "mother" even though the teacher had let me write it for more than ten times already. the good thing about it was that the incident happened when i was still five. i had a very good reason back then, considering my age. but now, getting myself tangled for almost the same trouble is making me doubt my own capacity.
and what's even worse than worst is that i cant help this stupidity either. so tonight when i saw him on our group chat, i tried to initiate a talk to the group though there were only three people online including me and him. and i dont know what got into him that the he decided to reply and finally our other batchmate logged off and suddenly it was me and him and some awkward friendly talk in our group chat which everybody else could read the convo in the morning. not that im guilty of something. but still. you know how i overthink and complicate things. and then the conversation was left hanging and he went off the chatroom first before i could even make my move of ditching him and im so pissed i dont know why.
right. i know. im trying to rub on his face that i could be able to handle things in a very decent manner; that i could just leave with the hanging convo and not say goodnight and not bother. like he doesnt have this effect on me. anymore. and at the first place. but he does. and its annoys me. a lot. and i cant just tell him everything.
i dont even know why im holding out in the first place. oh wait, i do. i dont wanna start a fight with some friends just because she thinks she owns him or she owned him or she probably will own him but you see, im trying not to care. that's there business. which has become quite a business for me too urgh.
i feel like a moth attracted to a bulb that if i would come near id burn myself and that if i dont i wouldnt be able to enjoy its light. and what's more is that im not the only one trying to fly around it. now the analogy is lame. and my situation is complicated. id talk about the progress of this soon.
-geianne
01 January 2012
chapter 12, pages 1-2 of 366
happy new year bloggy! i should be telling you about my past emotions right now and my resolutions and wishes for them but i feel like im not in the mood. and as much as i would refuse to admit, they're still quite jumbled up and i just dont know where to start so im not gonna push myself into the limits. yea yea i know i had to figure 'em out soon. i'll spill when im ready. anyway, my new year's eve was as typical. me and my fam went to church, and 5 min. before dear 2011 could wave goodbye, we prepared for the countdown and turned on every appliance we have in our home, watched the fireworks, took pictures, danced, greeted my friends on facebook and when the clock stroked at 12:00mn, i screamed at the top of my lungs and jumped and kissed thy beloved family members and ate and surfed the internet until the electricity went out at 3am because of idk why. woke up at 12:30pm, ate, watched tv, surfed the net, got dressed and went out with mom and ate kisses to check out the newly established mall in our lil town, and ate waffles, takuyakis, steamed dumplings, nachos and icecream and went home, and ate dinner (yes i eat like an elephant) and surfed the net and now its 1:15am of january 2, 2012 and im planning to read a book. (its still feels surreal to type down 2012. lol) anyway, because i havent told you my actual feelings about everything that happened in 2011 and what im trying to look forward on 2012, im going to post typos or graphics or whatever you call 'em here cause they are somewhat connected to what i currently feel. p.s. i do not own them.
-geianne
-geianne
