breaking dawn with jezrah

quality time.


but instead of a boyfriend, i had my bestfriend.

strolled around the mall.

checked out Forever 21's 1st branch in the city.

watched BD part 1, in which, i must say, turned out to be something good and made me rekindled my fondness for the twilight saga. still on team jacob though. and i suddenly have this urge to write stephenie meyer a letter and tell her to create some story about jake and nessie.

dinner at mcdonalds

enjoyed some brownies.

and lot of juicy blabs happened in between.


-geianne (fun fun day! meanwhile, im thinking about taylor lautner's hot super bASS. a lame practical joke shared between me and jezrah)

current state

if a few days ago i felt like i was hardcore, now i feel as helpless as a piece of crap lying on the ground. as high as i felt when i wander the big city late at night with no adult supervision, now i feel as low with my butt sinking on my bed, all alone, in my little room with the need of somebody to comfort me. as much as i hate to admit that, i had to. i know we people just cant stand us being all alone; as much as we try to struggle, we always welcome a warm company though we try to push them away. the complicacy of the human mind. yes. and right now, i think i dont even understand myself. you know those really emotional passages in novels or books where the anonymous writers feel like an icecube, doing nothing while melting slowly and slowly and he feels so useless and that he cant do anything about it? yep, like that.

but im not giving up.

i had this new friend whom have been secretly fighting off leukemia, which is now on its first stage, and when she told me about it, in the depths of my mind, i saluted her. there's no day ive seen her mad and angry and combusting. even though there were times where she curses a lot. but she never let the troubles get past her defence. that even though i know we all have our secret worries and fears and in her case it must be really difficult, i always see her smile and joke and laugh and now suddenly i think, if this girl could just shrug it off, then why do an illness-free me just cant smile my anxieties away?

but then again, we all have different cases, different situation of how life decides to beat us up. but i am beyond thankful that somehow, this is nothing compared to what other people are experiencing. that they wanted time and im here sitting and just wasting it. that even though i appreciate lil things, i still need to appreciate it more.

is my problem even going to find the answers that its seeking? i think thats not the real deal cause somehow i know all problems have solutions. its just that we dunno how much of us is going to be eaten up by those monstrous difficulties and how strong we are not to let it get into the core of our emotions.

but i have my friends, i have my family, i have God. i somehow trust in myself though its somewhat deflating, but i have it. i'll get it through. i just need to tell myself that everything's going to be okay. its what i always do.


-geianne (checking my grammar amidst the drama)

fun fun fun on friday

Today, I got home at 12:40am and it feels good. You know that feeling when rebel teenage girl protagonists get to sneak up inside their homes after a wild wild night all satisfied that her parents are gonna blow their heads off because of her indecent behavior? Yep. That’s how it is. I feel hardcore.

Except that i wasn’t much of a hardcore in a sense that I didn’t swap spits with somebody or slither myself in a noisy bar or throw myself into some random guy, but just the fact that I simply went home at forty past twelve, violating my non-existent curfew without my parents knowing that I have spent my night outside my room without an adult supervision because we are apparently hundreds of miles apart. As if they would actually know.

But then I didn’t exactly venture the big city to prove badassery to my parents. I guess i did it to prove something for myself. I don’t know why exactly but somehow I think it is tough for a lazy girl like me who is always trapped in her bedroom every night to go inside the house late. Even for just this one. Needless to say, when I struck the keys of my apartment door and entered, I felt like a boss. I actually did something that is way off the hook for girls with goody two shoes.

First off, I hopped on the mall with Nikki to meet up with our old nautical chum, Rolando and her cousin at 3 something in the afternoon to watch some show with local artists in it. We were so damn ticked to get in the square where people were placing their butts near the stage, and desperate that we were, we agreed to get a pass in a form of a cheap CD where we were going to divide the amount by ourselves. But then the CD was long forgotten when we got in since the guards are quite unwise; they didn’t check the people who actually bought the stuff. oh well, 100 points for the sneaky team.

The show was incredibly fun. It somehow fed my eyes with genetically blessed people dancing and singing on stage and I swear I definitely screamed along with the obsessive fan girls, though I wasn’t quite sure who I am fangirling to. The whole thing ended a few minutes past seven, so we met up with Ryle, Xiannel and Pauline and filled our stomachs with some kickass food at KFC where we bumped Keshia and Kuya Gian. After a few minutes they bade us goodbye and we were left with ourselves, chattering and strolling around the mall.

At 9 something we decided to go to some Park and actually waited for like an hour to get a ride. The waiting wasn’t much of a pain considering we were just cracking up all the time, inventing games and facilitating talks. At 10-ish we roamed around the park. We grabbed some lemon-flavoured soda with icecream on top, checked some clothing stalls, in which I have eyed some cute blouses and fancy earrings and krispy kremes and bought nothing but is still rooting for them anyway. We blabbed some more and finally decided to go home.

Xiannel was the first to summon a taxi, next was Rolando and her cousin and lastly Ryle, Nikki, and me who happily strode on a jeep. Nikki was the first to reach her destination and then me and ryle. and I must admit I was nervous wandering on the streets late at night (or mayhap, early in the morning) seeing people who quite matched the descriptions of real deal burglars and troublemakers in novels but is also partly at ease and thankful for the presence of my male friend. I hail a taxi then to finally reach my apartment and thought about how fun this day went.

Inside my room all I ever thought about was that im definitely going to tell bloggy about it.

-geianne

on 11/11/11

slept until 2pm
wore something nice
strolled on three malls
had dinner with jezrah, chen, and pauline
bought rick riordan's son of neptune
ate krispy kreme doughnuts
wasted my monthly allowance (well goodluck)
forgot to state my wish during 11:11:11pm

-geianne

back on track

my three weeks of livin a fancy life in our sweet little town is now over. and im back in the big city. i must say that i miss home already, also i feel kinda nervous for tomorrow. new faces, new teachers, new subjects and its making my tummy swirl already. ive got a million things inside my mind right now, something about percy jackson, my boat convo with friends, kitkats, my mom, waking up early again tomorrow, reading a new book, not reading a new book, awkward situations and some song lines that somehow i cant just scrub away from my head. i dont know what to do, to think, and to do, and to think.

-geianne

happy halloween '11

things that are scarier than those floating ladies in white or handsome no-heads or other creepy creatures we see in movies:

disappointment

overthinking

assuming things are gonna patch up with its own when you know it wont

listening to sad music and remembering the person behind its lyrics

not being good enough

getting too attached to people, drifting away and thinking you still have empathy links with eachother, though you're the only one feeling the whole thing

realizing that life isnt really fair

school

showing everybody you dont care when its really bothering you inside.

feeling numb and truly not giving a damn about problems

realizing reality and still holding into fantasy

that without all these fear, im not human and im incapable of feeling other things


-geianne