it goes on

so okey, its been a week since my arrival here in the big city and well, as usual, it wasnt easy. the dilemma of finding a home was a real pain in the ass. more like in the head or in the legs maybe. there were lots of fights between my dad, me, and mom but we obviously settled it and here i am, typing this blog post in my dormroom sharing with two other people. i agreed to this because the room is nice, it has wifi access, tv, and we have our own cr in the room. so yeah, a deal between my dad and i was made-- ive got to minimize my expenses to be able to pay the rent here. and school? well, still school. accounting subjects and those mathematical shiz. why do they have to exist? and my classes start at 7:30am-7:30pm, the night sched is cool but its tiring urrgh. 

my side of the room

me and sheena having live chat last week, the night before going to the big city

me and sheena skyping right now

-geianne

and this is CRAAAZY!

plus an additional VIDEO GREETING from jezrah, gretchen and era for mah birthday!
here's the link. and as my thank you, i made this

anyway, im leaving my lil home town tonight. classes starts today but im ditching the first week, i cant update my social sites much often anymore because there's no wifi connection in the place that i'll be staying, so yeah. wish me luck for this school year bloggy! 

-geianne

18 and Bittersweet

so yesterday my age finally decided to escalate again and now here i am, *drum rolls while eyes roll* your not so typical 18 yr old. here's the deal, i have now somewhat, kinda accepted my age but i refuse to be called a woman since first, i havent have my first boyfriend yet ever since 1994. second, i have not accomplished as much as what other 18 yrs old have, third, i know im still as childish as i was the other day when i was seventeen:

so anyway what i did on my birthday? let's see... well i showered and just sulked in the corner and ignored people and surfed the internet and had some twitter convos with friends, just like i pointed out in my previous posts. yesterday i became Ms. dont bother me at all cause i might just explode.

there were also lots of txt messages i received from friends. here are a few:

the facebook greetings:

and this too, from shareiz, marjorie and jezyl:

my reply to the lovely ladieeez:

well they surely made me smile! but i kinda felt guilty of how i got all quiet with my family, we didnt even had a pic for my birthday...

-geianne

big mishap

last friday afternoon was supposed to be epic. me and my friends made plans to stroll around (which we did later that night) and my mom decided to finally have my hair curled permanently. until, dad was hospitalized that afternoon due to a lot of vomiting which has practically led me to house in the hospital for two days and eventually let me realize that my life isnt what im expecting it to be and that now, i am officially the world's major stock holder of epic fails and misfortunes. call that exag compared to what other people are going through but hey, im gonna be selfish this time, we're talking about 'me' here.

so yea, two days in the hospital, no laptops, no sunshine, just stuck inside the room with my parents doing nothing and there was no phone signal and everything was pretty much in paleozoic era except there was an air-conditioning system in full blast, the tv is on 24/7 and there was better medicine for my dad.

today, june 10, 2012, in a sunny sunny afternoon, he just got discharged in the hopstial and was brought home. you think id be happy and all cause baaaah we're home, free internet and all that shit, but no. because my psycho of a mind is somehow not amused to this and i dont know why. right. maybe i do. you see, in less than 24 hrs now, im getting all legal. tomorrow is my 18th birthday. and it saddens me. (hey dont get me wrong, i am more than greatful that the Man above has given me this privilege to exist and let me experience all these.) tomorrow, i just wanna sulk in the corner and i just want people to let me be. no birthdays songs, greetings, food, and all those things that remind me its my birthday. why?

because im all emotional when im having PMS and to top all that, today is my first day of the monthly shark tank opening competition.
second, i dont like to think about my increasing age number. i know everybody gets old, but this is just depressing. you see, right now, i have not lived yet to the fullest and it bothers me so much how i know one person can have so little time to live. the hell i did not even went after the course i really like. yes, i chose accouting technology for my family because i dont want people to be disappointed in me, and cause maybe, i dont wanna be the chicken to be blamed and roasted when all else fails.
third, say hello to the selfish side of me who wants to have princess-themed debut and all that 18 candles and roses crap when ive got nobody to dance with and no boy would ever consider giving me a rose unless you bribe them. plus dad got hospitalized and the bill wasnt really cheap.
4th, im gonna be 18 tomorrow yet puberty hasnt done its job well with my body and face and just before i decided to type this post, i looked into the mirror and realized how ugly i am  inside and out, and the curls didnt make me look even just a bit decent. (no i am not fishing for compliments because the hell nobody even would even check this post).
fifth, i would rather sulk than bug my family for not giving a damn of my preparing for my 18th birthday, when my mom's birthday when she was in my age before was all fun and cheery.

my 18th birthday wish is just be in a place where nobody knows my name with a sea of people who wouldnt bother me while im doing the things i like best and be free of judgements and feel the happy sun without thinking why im all bothered and lonely inside when everything is warm and shining.


-geianne

reasons

my parents think im crying because i cant get into a block section to be with my old classmates. im crying because they dont see the bigger picture--that this is not me. but then again, they cant see how hard im trying to follow what they want. and they keep on comparing me to other people whom they think they knew so well. im crying because they havent realized how hard im trying to make them happy in my own ways, even though im a whole lot of a snob child. im crying because i have to listen to what people think rather than what the voice inside my head says. and its getting me delusional. im crying just because i feel like this is my cue to spill it, but i cant pour it out on their faces, because i know, by then, i'll be a huge disappointment than i already am.

they often question me out loud of how indecisive and lazy i am; that i couldnt make a stand. i mutter quietly inside my head that maybe im just too scared of their judgments and im still thinking of what to do. sometimes, i  silently question of what runs around their brains too, upon why they cant seem to figure out who i am when i am their own.

-geianne

wanderer

hey, whoever you are, im sorry that i might ruin your mood today for fussin over stuffs i wanted to do real badly, cause i got noone to talk to and i think these happy bunch of people around me could not be able to process this well. u see, i just wanna go to a place where nobody knows me and just be a free lancer and become who i wanted to be without any judgements. is that too much to ask? anyway, you dont have to answer that one. thanks for listening (errr... reading).

-geianne