sudden drabbles

Amidst my self-proclaimed awesomeness I am fully aware that there’s nothing awesome about me at all. Not because I wanna feel humble beneath all these but because it’s the plain truth.

No, I am not denying the honor of being a child of the Almighty, because I know for Him we are all special in our kind of way.

Yes, I believe that too, sometimes I feel very much highly whenever I look at people and realize that I could do that specific thing they’re doing a whole lot better in just a brink. That inside my mind im already dripping with brag and rolling my eyes towards they’re flaws in which somehow, for me, are gems that I consider myself capable of flaunting.

But then again there are those times when we wander on a crowded street, alone, waiting for that red sign to turn green, walk along, and get lost. Literally, emotionally, and mentally. Sometimes we try to run off. As human beings, it is already planted in our minds, an inborn knowledge, that we are the most intellectual creatures on earth. I think, sometimes we have enough of that intellect to judge ourselves and reflect. Sometimes we have too much and we tend to overthink, lead everything to negativity, and ruin the remaining hours of the day with our bad vibes.

Sometimes, I think, it’s a sign of not having much.

While we carry our feet and examine our steps on the dust, we are also capable of pointing out the shoes that we are wearing, admiring ourselves to the extent that somehow we look around and expect to find a pair of eyes or two to give us a glance, only that we lead ourselves to disappointment, finding everyone else moving along not even sparing us a glance. And then, we question ourselves why as we pass by a glass building and catch a glimpse of our replicas.

The hair that you’ve spent hours to be neatly done is now a wild forest.

The face that you’ve thought as good enough moments ago is now trickling with small sweat.

And as you also see everything around you, you notice a pretty lady passing by with her perfect façade, small figure, nice pair of stilettos, and suddenly, we feel ourselves crumbling down. The charade, along with the lipgloss you applied earlier has somewhat magically vanished, wiped out by our own minds, as our self-esteem is now licked by insecurity and self-consciousness. The proud poise has now been turned into a slump with a head bowed-down.

And you realize, no matter how good you are, there is always someone better.

That no matter how much you try some of your deeds will never be good enough.

And that no one has ever truly spared us the kind of glance we want strangers to look at us, like the way how goddesses fell on the Axe commercial, or the way that pretty lady sways and everybody swoons.

As we go through all this in a daily basis, somehow ignorance has shielded us and has thicken our capacity to feel small along with our growing serenity—to accept what we cannot change.

Sometimes we build up too much serenity that our hopes of doing something a whole lot better has been already locked up in the depths of our minds and that the key to free it, the idea of trying has been long lost. But that little faith is there.

No matter how much you told yourself you’ve already given up, there’s this little stirring inside us that waits for a miracle to happen no matter how much we deny it. And that little stirring is a sign of a spark that grows into a fire, bringing once again warmth to our understanding, and a light to the place where our minds decode every piece of mystery in this stroll.

That somehow, we feel trap in this labyrinth every sunrise, trying a way to free ourselves every sunset only to find ourselves in the maze again in the next morning until we master everything in a gradual way--the emotions, the twisting mind games, and the steps to take.

Somehow we continue to walk, shrug our shoulders, heads up, letting the wind kiss our face, feeling the freedom as it strokes our hair. A small smile lingers on our lips, thankful, feeling highly that somehow you came up with a certain realization, thinking whether others had dared to think about it too.


-geianne