phase

hey there bloggy, its been a long time since ive last posted here. what, almost a month maybe? if we really try to realize, its not that much span of a time but for me it had done a lot of changes--lots and lots and lots.

you know that quote where you feel like every day is the same yet if you look back everything's different? yea? you see i kinda dont really memorize the whole thing and i havent had a single clue upon who ever spoke it but the whole quotation translates into what im feeling right now.

five months ago, i voluntarily enter my feet inside our highschool premises cheerily, excited to see my chums every morning and the likes that we share afterwards. but now, it seems like im dragging my feet to my college school cos i have to, not because i want to.

five months ago i was easy go lucky and not even a project rush could bother me like it could stir my whole life. but now every lil thing is bugging my insides. including the freakin assignments.

i dont know if its just me making things all complicated or what but.. i dont know. i cant explain. maybe its just that i have lived in my comfort zone for an eternity that i have not been able to explore the wild. this wild. and im afraid of failing. maybe, yea, thats the deal. cause i dont want to disgrace the privilege my parents gave me; to be able to leave home for educational matters. yet here i am, blabbing about how i couldnt make it all calm and stable.

five months ago im sprawled on my bed inside my room with earphones hanging on my head, laughin my ass out, reading my chums' SMS while im listening to some song, ignoring my moms shouts from the kitchen. now my hands are literally wounded from doing all the laundry and cooking by myself.

college has just begun. no not the schoolyear. the life. my life. ive been forcing myself to enjoy by attending the homecoming party (which i might add, gave me trouble concerning with what glam rock costume to wear, but sigh, the mischief was managed), and working my brows on our midterm exam (which we wouldnt talk abt right now since its kinda not healthy for me to discuss my soon to be unhealthy grade results) and i must say that ive also put myself in trouble too, in PE actually (which were having a great muslim dance with a moody unmarried teacher).

things were different five months, but now im struggling. trying to find out whats in store for me. guessing and counting on the steps that i might execute next. (esp with an ever pain in the ass guy, lurking somewhere inside my mind. and a new mysterious boy whose role is about to be discovered in the next days to come; when my head isnt jumbled or isnt into planning a riot against my wants.)

so, yeah. my damaged hands need some chillaxing now. i miss you and i'll tell you a lot of things sooner than soon.

-geianne